Frozen Papa
by fringeperson
Summary: oneshot. complete. do not own. Vincent was the unwilling test subject for Lucrecia and Hojo when they were doing their research in the ShinRa Mansion at Nibelhiem. contains: yaoi, mpreg, human experimentation, and various other unpleasantnesses.


It was a vicious, if mercifully _short_, line-up of scientists and their subjects as far as Vincent was concerned, and not entirely improved by Gast having run off. Hojo was obsessing over Jenova, and Lucrecia was experimenting with inserting foreign aspects into cadavers. Both wanted _live_ subjects to experiment on though, and Vincent knew it. Hojo wanted to 'create a perfect being' using the Jenova's genes, and Lucrecia could only go so far with dead bodies in her experiments.

Apart from the two scientists however, Vincent was the only other available person for some distance. They couldn't use each other, they were both scientists and therefore off-limits as they had important work to do that couldn't be interrupted. They couldn't used the ignorant townspeople because, quite simply, if one of their number went missing the whole lot of them would probably storm the mansion and burn it to the ground. ShinRa did _not_ need bad publicity. That meant the Turk was it as far as live test subjects went. It was only a matter of who got him.

Lucrecia won the coin toss. She was wearing a smug smirk for a week, causing Hojo to huff irritably and turn back to his on research and apply himself with a greater vengeance. Vincent was aware – between the treatments – of the man finding out that his 'Ancient' was actually an alien.

Hojo was in a snit for an hour before deciding that having found an alien was even more interesting than having found an Ancient.

Then Vincent was back under sedation and the knife.

~oOo~

He woke up in what was probably the most home-like room in the entire mansion, except that there were no windows and the door obviously had lots of locks on the _outside_. There was a single surveillance camera in one corner of the ceiling, a bookshelf full of books, cupboard full of clothes, a table and chair, and an adjoining bathroom.

There was a tray of food and a letter on the table.

With a sigh, Vincent decided that whatever experiments were being done on him, poisoning would likely be counter productive, and started to nibble on a stalk of celery while he picked up the letter.

It was in Lucrecia's handwriting.

"_Vincent Valentine. Thanks to my experiments you now have four new limit breaks. Galien Beast, Death Gigas, Hells Maker and Chaos, the last of which can only be controlled because of the Protomateria which has also been installed in your body._ _More importantly, I have succeeded in making you fertile in the female sense as well as the male form you are used to. Congratulations, you are now pregnant with a child created by combining your sperm with your egg. You will remain in this room under observation for the duration of your pregnancy. Provided that you and the child both live through this procedure, and emerge healthy, my research will be complete and you – and the child – will be free to go. Professor Hojo is not happy about that, as he would like to conduct experiments on the child while it is in your womb and after it has been born, but I have forbidden his interference. It would alter my research and I will not permit that. Feel fortunate that you are exclusively my guinea-pig, and not his also. I will be monitoring you regularly. Lucrecia._"

Vincent swallowed down the last of his celery stick, put down the letter, then made his way to the bathroom. His hands shook as he turned on the hot water for a shower, the words of that horrible, impersonal, impossible letter circling his mind. He didn't mind so much about the limit breaks. Not yet anyway. He didn't have any reason yet to use them, so investigating those could and would wait. Small mercies. It was the bit about him being pregnant that bothered him, and having the equipment that made it possible.

Carefully, tentatively, half afraid of what he would find, Vincent let one hand drift down, checking that he really did still have his original plumbing as well. It was there. Bigger than the last time he'd checked, but that wasn't something he was going to complain about. Still had his jewels too, which was a _very_ good thing. His hand kept going. It should have found _nothing_ before reaching his anus on the other side, but there, right in the middle where there wasn't supposed to be anything, was a brand new hole.

"Shit," Vincent hissed, wincing as he slipped a finger inside. Yep, it was really real and felt _exactly_ like the single time he'd fingered a woman for information when he'd been a rookie Turk. She was a HoneyBee. With them, you had to do _something_ sexual if you wanted _anything_. He'd never gone back after she'd complained about him getting _her_ to orgasm while he hadn't even gotten a stiffy.

~oOo~

The morning sickness was terrible, the cravings were worse, the mood-swings were ridiculous, and then when he got _horny_ of all things -! Well, it didn't bare thinking about, the way he had to abuse his body – both the familiar orifice and the horrible new one – with the toys Lucrecia brought in for him. She brought him everything he needed, and it was embarrassing when she walked through his door with a tray of food, a bottle of lube, and a very large dildo.

The labour, however, was complete agony. No drugs for the pain, and Lucrecia wasn't giving him the easy way out of just cutting him open and lifting out the child. She wanted to be sure that he could actually deliver the child naturally.

When it was finally over, Vincent was ordered to breast-feed his son, and held the tiny life as carefully as he could even as he performed the embarrassing act under Lucrecia's analytical eye.

"The infant is small, but within the scope of normal," she decided at last. "It has no deformities and is currently healthy. The parent is lactating appropriately, though actual breasts have not developed. The experiment was a success," Lucrecia declared happily, then twisted to face the hallway where Hojo was waiting. "You're turn with him!" she called out, then turned back Vincent. "I'll just get rid of this now. It's not like you want a kid anyway."

~oOo~

Vincent sighed as he settled back into his chair in his office in the Turk section of the ShinRa building. He wiggled a little to get comfortable, smiled, then sat up straight to start writing his report. After all, there had been an _incident_ at the ShinRa mansion, where he'd been stationed. Where he'd apparently spent the last year completely unconscious – a fact that did _not_ sit well with him, considering that it had been Hojo's 'turn' with him, even when he'd been told he would be free to go after Lucrecia's experiments – which he hadn't wanted to be part of in the first place.

He'd gotten out Hojo, the President's pet scientist, but only barely. The man had third-degree burns over most of his body, and his lungs had some serious smoke damage. He'd be out of commission for _at least_ a month. Lucrecia had been even worse and died on the helicopter flight back to Midgar.

It didn't matter if, as the head of the Turk division, he was the only one who read the report. He would still write it, if only to keep track of his own life.

At least there was another scientist for ShinRa to fall back on, so to speak. Dr Hollander was qualified to keep an eye on all of Hojo's research and experiments, especially once Hojo got cameras, screens and microphones installed so that he could give instructions from his bed. Hollander wasn't quite up to Hojo's standards – he lacked the genius and still held some of his morals after all – but he was certainly able to follow instructions and monitor all the mako injections that the Soldiers and some of the upper-level Turks got.

In fact, Dr Hollander would be supervising Vincent's _own_ mako shots later that week, and would continue to do so. Vincent was capable of administering his own mako, but the doctor had to supervise. Mako _could _become addictive, and a Turk or a Soldier with a problem like that was a very bad thing, which was why the injections were always supervised, even if the individual was capable of doing the job themselves.

There was a quiet knock at his door.

"Boss?" a young voice called, a tiny tremor not completely hidden in the lad's tone.

Vincent didn't look up from his computer screen. "Come in Reno. Close the door behind you."

When he heard the door click shut, then, and only then, did Vincent look up at his red-haired rookie.

"How were things in the slums Reno?" Vincent asked.

"No changes Boss," the rookie answered. "Not even in gang leadership. They've all settled down for now. No new whores, no _unusual_ killings. Everything is as it should be down there. I've got a detailed report for every day written up if you want it though Boss."

"Hmm. Maybe. How long before something happens?" Vincent asked.

"Last time it got this calm in the slums, it lasted about three months. Time before that, only two. This one has been hanging around for just one month so far. We've got at least another month, maybe two, before anything interesting starts happening." Reno had come from the slums, so he had some idea of the patterns and cycles.

Vincent shook his head. "That's not the way it works," he said. "The reason gang bosses die isn't because another gang boss killed them. It's because the Turks did."

Reno gaped. "Boss?"

"We set the cycles and the rhythms for the slums Reno. If a gang is dealing in drugs, weapons, people, and getting _too_ rich off of it, then it's _us_ who eliminate them, not their competition, though we _will_ frame another gang boss for it. If they're dealing in mako then we let the whole of the slums _know_ that it was us who did it. You're on the other side of it all now Reno. Think you can handle that?" Vincent asked, pinning the rookie with a gaze as red as the boy's hair.

Reno swallowed. "Not sure Boss," the boy admitted, and he was just a boy. Only nine to Vincent's twenty-five. "I'll do my best though."

Vincent nodded. "Good lad," he said, smiling just a little. "I knew you had it in you or I wouldn't have I pulled you off the streets."

Reno blushed in appreciation of the praise, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. "It means a lot coming from you Boss," Reno said, smiling.

Vincent chuckled. "How is your training coming? You _have_ chosen a main weapon by now, haven't you?"

Reno practically beamed at the mention and pulls a small cylinder out of his pocket. With a flick, it extends to be a foot-and-a-half long, and when the boy presses a button in the insulated grip, the end sparks with electricity.

Vincent chortles quietly. "You designed that yourself, didn't you?"

Reno nods happily. "I call it an Electro-Mag Rod. I can set how intense the shock is, from jolt to stun to extra-crispy an' a whole lot of others in between."

"And who," Vincent asked, turning back to his computer to continue typing his report, "taught you manners?"

Reno blinked, then laughed. "Your S-I-C, yo!" he answered happily. "Di'n't like it."

Vincent hummed. "Well, I shall have to talk to him about that. I much prefer the variety your attitude brings to my office. Just as long as your reports are what they need to be, you can talk back to _me_ as much as you like. Provided of course it's not in front of any of the higher-ups. They get shirty about that sort of thing."

"You got it yo," Reno answered happily. He'd felt like he'd been tied to a wooden stake, the way Verdot had been looking at him every time he opened his mouth.

"Onto other matters, what have you learned about the Soldier program?" Vincent asked.

Reno furrowed his brow. "I've learned that I have no fuckin' clue why ya ordered me to watch 'em yo," he answered honestly. He was always honest with his boss, even if he sugar-coated things for Verdot and everybody else. Vincent had his loyalty and his honesty.

"Because we sometimes have to work together, and sometimes we have to get them to move along. If you understand how they are trained, how their orders work and so on, then you will know how to act when you meet them in the field," Vincent explained. "We are not at odds with Soldier," he continued. "Never. We watch the back for any looming knives, they watch the front for everything else. We pretend not to get along for the sake of the people in charge, they don't like the idea of their forces being completely united. Makes them nervous. You'll learn Reno, you're good at that."

Reno smiled that bashful smile again and nodded his understanding. "Okay then," he said. "I learned that while the grunts are taught use of guns, the Soldier cadets learn different sorts of swords and materia use, which gets worked on even more once they make Soldier. They're mostly muscle, and anybody with a build like mine that wants to join up is in for a rough time. They do drills and a lot of running. The man in charge is also an idiot yo."

Vincent chuckled. "He is," he agreed. "But he's one of those administrative idiots that we put on a show for. The person who is _really_ in charge of the Soldiers is the General."

Reno winced. "You mean the bloke with the black hair yo?" he asked.

Vincent nodded slowly. "What's the matter Reno?" he asked.

"I heard a rumour he was startin' to get addicted to the mako yo," he explained. "Man's not been seen for a coupla weeks now."

Vincent frowned. This was not good news.

~oOo~

Vincent stared at the report that Tseng had just handed him, disbelief written all over his face. It was a couple of years since the incident at the ShinRa mansion in Nibelheim, and Hojo had, unfortunately, made a full recovery. So full a recovery, in fact, that he was now experimenting on a child. A child that Hojo claimed was his with Lucrecia, a child who had apparently been shipped from Nibelhiem to Midgar a bare month before Vincent had woken up and the mansion had burned to the ground.

"It's the bit where he somehow convinced that woman to let him impregnate her that gets me," Vincent admitted as he rubbed his forehead tiredly before looking down at the page again. "Ah," he said shortly. "Science. Suddenly it all makes sense," he snorted derisively.

"Orders Sir?" Tseng asked. The boy was only fifteen. A full Turk, but still so much a rookie.

"You're babysitting the maniac and his unfortunate offspring. Get copies of the notes Hojo takes. The bastard is _always_ thorough, so we'll know exactly what he's doing. Also record your own observations," Vincent instructed.

"Yes Sir," the teen said, putting his fist over his heart quickly and turning for the door.

"And Tseng?"

"Yes Sir?"

"Don't get caught. Hojo's a paranoid bastard as much as he's a twisted genius. I don't want to lose you to his experimentation as well," Vincent said, turning to his computer.

"Yes Sir."

Verdot entered just as the boy left and silently took a seat on the opposite side of Vincent's desk, waiting for his boss to be ready to talk to him. It was a ten minute wait.

"What do you want Verdot?" Vincent asked, turning from his computer at last, giving his second-in-command his full and undivided attention.

"Not me Boss," Verdot answered. "The _President_ wants you to give some of the Firsts a run-around to see who is capable enough of stepping up as General."

Vincent's eyes narrowed. "Since when are you his messenger boy?" he asked.

Verdot shrugged. "Since I was just rotated off body-guard duty and he knows I always report straight back to you when I leave his side," he suggested easily.

Vincent sighed and pulled up President ShinRa's timetable. "I'll go and see him once he gets out of his _private meeting_," he said, sneering at the bland little label that meant the man was being entertained by a girl from the HoneyBee.

"Whatever you say Boss," Verdot said, getting up from the chair. "Am I alright to clock off for the rest of the day Sir? Only I wouldn't mind having a private meeting of my own tonight."

Vincent nodded shortly. "You may," he said, waving a hand in dismissal. "Oh, and Verdot?" he called just as the man lay a hand on the doorknob.

"Yes Sir?"

"Stop trying to get Reno to talk like a person, alright? I enjoy his cynical slum slang. He writes his reports professionally and keeps his tone professional in company. That is enough."

Verdot growled softly but nodded. "Yes Sir."

~oOo~

Vincent decided to retire from the Turk life a couple more years after testing the Soldiers to see who would take over the position of General. The President wasn't happy, even threatened to have Vincent killed – after all, it wouldn't do for someone who knew as many of ShinRa's secrets as the leader of the Turks to just be let go.

"Sir, with respect. I have stood by this company for years. I have murdered, I have trained children to murder, I have swept things under the rug and turned a blind eye, I have faithfully done whatever was asked of me for _years_. I'm retiring now for two reasons. The first is that Verdot is ready to lead the Turks and if he isn't _given_ that opportunity soon then he'll take it for himself. I'd prefer to live through that. The second reason is that I have a soft spot for children and I'm frankly sick of watching the Professor conducting experiments on Sephiroth," Vincent explained to his boss as he handed in his letter of resignation.

ShinRa frowned. "Sephiroth is property," he pointed out. "He was created to be an experiment for Hojo."

"I know that Sir," Vincent answered. "And I know that children can also make excellent spies and fighters. I've recruited enough into the Turk training program that this should be clear. I just don't like the idea of a four-year-old being told to kill a monster ten times his size with a sword he can only lift because of experiments that cause him so much pain he cries himself to sleep."

ShinRa shifted uncomfortably. "You think it's a bad idea?" he asked. He'd always relied on Vincent before, the man had good instincts.

Vincent shook his head. "Sephiroth will make an excellent General, once he's tall enough to be taken seriously. If what he's currently being put through is leaked, ever, then it's not going to be good for the company. If it's alright Sir, I'd like to retire to the location of the ShinRa mansion in Nibelheim. I can be easily contacted there if I'm needed, but I shouldn't be. My Turks are well trained."

ShinRa nodded. "You can have the place," he said. "I had it rebuilt after the fire. Damned if I know why. Never actually _go_ there. Nibelheim's a backwater place with rotten winters."

Vincent bowed to his employer and headed for the door.

"Valentine," the President called as Vincent lay his hand on the doorknob. "If you don't answer the phone you will be presumed dead. There will be no search party and there will be no pay-outs."

Vincent chuckled. "Understood Sir."

~oOo~

Vincent gave only Reno his new, private, email address when he left the Turks. He'd pulled the boy out of the gutters after all, he wanted mail from the kid. Updates, reports on Sephiroth, Verdot, the President, Hojo, the list went on, but he had faith in his little protege. He also expected to get news like the first time he got drunk and when he eventually lost his virginity – and if it had been male, female, or a combination of both. Vincent also wanted to know when the kid got his first mako shot, and anything else that impacted the kid's life like friends, assigned partners, and so on.

For himself, Vincent installed a computer in the lid of a coffin and decided to sleep away the years, waking only when he got the bleep of a received email. All thanks to a disconcerting side-effect of his time under Lucrecia's knife and the disconcertingly missing year under Hojo's care. The demons that she had installed in him prior to his impregnation meant that he had stopped ageing, was unlikely to die of anything less than having his head cut off or his heart ripped out, and meant that he _could_ follow through with his little plan of removing himself from society for a decade or two.

"I'm gonna miss you Boss," Reno said quietly, giving the man a quick hug. He'd been allowed to be Vincent's chopper pilot for the flight to Nibelheim

Vincent laughed and messed up Reno's hair fondly. "Keep me updated," he said. "If you need help I'll give you advice, if you get into trouble, let me know and I'll come running, alright?"

Reno nodded. "Thanks Boss."

~oOo~

It was roughly twenty-three years after Vincent had retired to Nibelheim when someone came knocking on his coffin lid. He'd been getting regular emails from Reno and had a very good idea of what was going on at least, and was quick to send off an email to the now senior Turk saying, briefly, "They've come for me. Slip me a phone when I see you." Vincent then pressed 'send' and twitched the lid of his coffin aside.

He was only a little surprised that the face was familiar to him. Reno was an excellent spy for him after all, very meticulous for all that he didn't look it. What surprised Vincent the most was that it was the pilot and ex-employee of ShinRa, Cid Highwind, rather than either of the current 'leaders' of the 'Eco-terrorist' group.

"Helloooo handsome," Vincent thought to himself as his ruby eyes raked up and down the second oldest member of Avalanche. What he said instead was: "Who are you and what do you want?" It would have been a bad idea to greet the man by name when they hadn't ever actually met.

"The name Sephiroth mean anything to ya?" Cid asked.

Vincent narrowed his eyes. "It isn't your name," he answered. "That child definitely had silver hair, and I damn Hojo a million times for his experiments."

"I'm Cid Highwind," the blond supplied at last, having given Vincent a more thorough look-over at his comment. "An' me an' a few other people are needin' all the help we can get to stop the bugger."

Vincent sighed, closing his eyes. "Sephiroth is a good boy, a sweet child, forced to do impossible things when he was small, never shown love," Vincent said, then opened his eyes. He would have demanded to know in a growl what happened, but Reno had told him. Actually, considering what he'd already said, the question would be expected. "What happened?"

Cid shrugged. "Don't know all the details meself," he admitted. "You wanna talk to Cloud for that, even if he's got mako poisoning an' a little off his rocker right now, he still knows most all of it. I _can_ tell you that ShinRa's golden boy 'as gorn off his rocker an' is currently destroying a _lot_ of expensive shit."

"I'll come," Vincent said.

Cid grinned in answer to the simple statement.

~oOo~

"You're not going to like what I got for you this time Boss," Reno said quietly as he and Vincent shared a wall in a Sector eight alleyway. "You remember Tseng reporting Hojo was claiming Lucrecia and him had Sephiroth while they were in Nibelheim all those years ago?"  
"I do," Vincent answered. It was too dark to simply nod, though between both of their mako levels they might have seen it. Easier to talk.

"Not the whole story yo. Tseng _missed_ the bit in the report where it said that Sephiroth was an experimental child conceived in the womb of 'Test Subject V', using 'sperm of same'. Sephiroth ain't his kid yo, and he ain't Cresent's. Still, considering that the kid got shipped to Midgar from Nibelheim where only him and her were sending reports – an' I was real worried about you then yo – that Tseng assumed Hojo was the father dun't surprise me yo."

"Hm," Vincent murmured, thinking. "It makes sense, in Hojo's particularly twisted way. One more reason for me to want to kill him I suppose." Vincent shook his head, discarding that line of thought for now. "How's Zack?"

Reno winced. "Not good yo," he answered. "I got him hooked up in my flat, an' physically he's improvin', real slow goin though yo, an his mind just ain't comin' back yo. What d'you want me to do with 'im Boss?"

"Just keep him as stable as possible for now. Who does Tseng have on the Cetra girl?" Vincent asked. It had surprised him when Tseng had advanced to Verdot's position, but he wasn't going to begrudge the boy, now man. According to Reno, Verdot had died of natural causes. Provided that the war with Wutai counted as a natural cause.

"Does it himself as much as he can, but it's mostly Rude, 'Lena an' Cissnei otherwise yo. Harder to keep an eye on her now she's runnin' with that group though yo," Reno answered. "Why Boss? What's up?"

"A bad feeling," Vincent replied solemnly. "You keep out of Sephiroth's way, alright? Keep your materia handy and, for Gaia's sake, a gun. I know you know how to use one, even if you prefer your EMR. Guns give you distance, and when your opponent has a sword as big as Sephiroth's -"

"I want to be as far away as I can yo," Reno finished, nodding his understanding in the darkness. "Gotcha."

"Now, the real report?"

Reno nodded again. "Since you've been out of contact, Rufus killed the Old Man and took over the presidency. I'm hearing whispers about Genesis from the uber-geeks who work on the stuff even the Old Man wasn't told about, an' I get the impression that the fucker is alive yo, not dead like we assumed. Good for him an' all yo, but he was in a real bad way last we heard of 'im yo."

"That could be trouble later. Better start some digging on that one. Skeletons in the closet is one thing, zombies in the basement is another," Vincent said, frowning.

Reno chuckled. "You have a way with metaphors Boss," he said fondly. "What else? Reeve's cat is out on the town these days, but you already knew that."

"Cait Sith," Vincent agreed.

"An' there's a possibility that Sephiroth is _actually_ in a mako tank somewhere, recovering from being stabbed in the back by a frightened little trooper," Reno finished. "I'll email you the full daily reports when ever you like," he added, and pulled a phone out of his pocket. "Yours. I'm speed-dial one."

Vincent nodded, took the phone, and tucked it into a pocket in the lining of his black, double-breasted shirt.

"The Cetra girl will probably be able to verify that," Vincent said quietly, "if her connection to the planet is as reliable as Avalanche have been led to believe."

Reno chuckled dryly. "I'd believe her yo," he said honestly. "An' I ain't ever even met the kid."

This time it was Vincent who chuckled. "Very well. I'll approach her on the matter. Take care of yourself Reno."

"You got it Boss," Reno said, and with a lazy salute mostly hidden by the shadows, the vibrant red-head vanished completely.

Vincent waited for a count of twenty before disappearing from the alley himself. He had a flower-girl to talk to.

~oOo~

Aerith looked up at Vincent in surprise. "What does it matter?" she asked in response to his question.

Vincent frowned, damn near scowled, but the answer he intended to give was supplied by somebody else.

"It matters," Cloud said firmly, standing up.

"If we're not fighting the _real_ Sephiroth, then that means he's out there somewhere and still _will be_ even after we've killed this copy, if that's what it is. If the one we're fighting isn't the real Sephiroth, then we could potentially find the real one and I'd wager he'd be pissed off about someone else using his face," Cid pointed out.

Vincent mentally smirked. He was really getting to like the gruff pilot.

"I would prefer to know I'm not having to chase after someone I know as a cute kid who wasn't allowed a childhood," Vincent pointed out. "Much easier to kill an alien than a person."

Aerith shifted uncomfortably, tugging at her dress and biting her lip.

"I don't want to kill my hero," Cloud said softly. "He didn't kill me, he didn't kill Zack, he didn't kill Tifa. It would have been _very_ easy for him to do. I don't want to kill him!" the blonde whispered fiercely, desperately.

Aerith sighed. "It's not him," she admitted. "It's Jenova using a hollow copy."

"Was that so hard to say?" Vincent asked softly.

Aerith pouted. "No," she allowed. "So now what?"

"I think we should divide our forces for now," Barret said, finally speaking up. "Highwind's got a point. If the General knew someone was fuckin' around wit his face, he'd prob'ly wan' a piece o' the action, provided he can be reasoned wit'. I don't have to like the bastard to know he's a damn good fighter. Someone goes to find the real Sephiroth, the rest of us keep fightin' this one."

"Seconded," Yuffie said, clearly unhappy with the fact. "If we have to face Sephiroth, then one of the best people to have on our side would be someone of the same elite level. _Like Sephiroth_."

"So, who's goin' te go lookin' fer the real Sephiroth?" Cait Sith asked.

"I will," Vincent volunteered and walked out the door of the warehouse where they had held the meeting before anybody could stop him.

Cid sighed. "I'll keep an eye on 'im," he said, following Vincent out.

~oOo~

Vincent slid casually into the car, but didn't shut the door. "Come along Highwind," he called. "I would like to resolve this issue before the world ends."

Cid numbly slid into the back seat of the very official looking vehicle beside the man he'd helped out of a coffin in Nibelheim, and stared at the smirking red-head in the driver's seat.

"Verditc Boss?" Reno asked.

"She confirmed it," Vincent answered easily. "We've got an alien-possessed copy on the loose and a missing General."  
"Boss?" Cid asked, surprised.

"Lead foot Reno," Vincent said, trying not to smile.

"You got it Boss!"

"Boss?" Cid asked again, his voice beginning to squeak.

Vincent allowed himself a small smile and a soft chuckle. "I wasn't just _a_ Turk back in the day. I was the _head_ Turk. I recruited Reno here, and when I retired he's kept me updated on everything important that's been happening in the world."

Cid blinked. "You're not shittin' me, are you?" he said in wonderment.

Vincent shook his head. "No one ever really leaves an organisation like the Turks unless they're dead. I just stepped aside, took an extended vacation, and kept getting updates from my favourite rookie."

"Hey!" Reno objected, grinning. "I'm the S-I-C now I'll have you know!"

Vincent laughed. "Congratulations Reno."

"Thanks Boss. Oh, an' I got you a new uniform yo! Can have you lookin' all official when we storm the labs." Reno single-handedly shifted a bag from the front passenger seat into the back, where Vincent started stripping and then redressing in the blue suit, silently relishing in the way that Cid pretended he wasn't avidly watching every move. Mako meant that Reno, who was older than Cid, actually looked like the younger of the two, while Vincent himself was permanently stuck looking to be somewhere in his mid- to late-twenties. What delicious irony.

~oOo~

"He's wakin' up yo!"

"Sephiroth?"

"Who- who're you?" the silver-haired man asked, still groggy from the mako and the drugs.

"My name is Vincent Valentine, do you remember me?" the black haired man asked.

Sephiroth squinted his green eyes at the man. "Shouldn't you look older by now?" he asked, still bleary. "You looked like that when I was four, and you left ShinRa."

Vincent chuckled humourlessly. "You're not the only victim of extensive scientific experimentation young man," Vincent said fondly.

"What are you doing here?" Sephiroth asked, then blinked and looked around. "Where _is_ here?"

"Hojo hidey-hole number four yo," Reno supplied. "An' I only give it that number 'cause we looked in three others before we got to the one with you actually in it yo."

Sephiroth frowned, his brow furrowing. "I know that voice."

Reno laughed. "I'd hope so yo! I played messenger boy for the Old Man that often yo," he said, his own blue-green eyes sparkling with amusement as much as mako.

"Reno."

"Yup! How you feelin' General?"

"Like I've been at Hojo's mercy for too long without breathing fresh air," Sephiroth answered.

"Probably because it's true," Cid supplied. "Cid Highwind, ex of the space program. Pleased to meet you," he added, giving the kind of casual salute that was given by soldiers in the field so that they didn't get their officers recognised by the enemy.

"Likewise," the general responded automatically. "Wait, what does that mean?"

"What's the last thing you remember Sephiroth?" Vincent asked.

"Jumping into the mako after an altercation with Zack and a cute blond," Sephiroth answered, locking his eyes on Vincent, even as his gaze turned inward in memory. "Are they alright?"

"That's debatable," Reno announced.

"It was also some five or six years ago," Vincent supplied. "Both of them spent most of that as guests of the professor themselves."

"Oh Gaia," Sephiroth breathed in horror.

"An' there's currently an alien on the loose wearing your face and talkin' about blowin' up the world," Cid added. "The blond you remember is currently helping fight it."

Sephiroth paled, and he hadn't exactly been in the pink before. "Jenova?" he asked. "I found Hojo's notes that said he created me from a sample of Jenova, with a few human DNA strands..."

"Not entirely accurate yo," Reno said in as comforting a way as he could. "I'll get you the _real_ reports when we get back to base, but you're parent provided both the egg and the sperm," he explained. "A 'Test Subject V'," he added.

"Me," Vincent said quietly, earnestly. "And I would have handled the situation differently if I'd known, I promise you."

"I know you would," Sephiroth said, just as quietly. He had some vague memories of this man, and he had always been kind to him. "What happens now?"

Reno and Cid grinned while Vincent helped Sephiroth stand up properly.

"Got you a gift yo," Reno said, stepping back to reveal a strung-up Hojo.

Cid handed Sephiroth the general's famous sword.

"I'm sure you've always wanted to," Vincent said, smiling himself.

"After this, maybe you could help us deal with the _fake_ Silver Demon?" Cid suggested easily.

Sephiroth nodded grimly, then smiled horribly as he approached the scientist. "Oh, I have _dreamed_ of this for _so long_," he said happily, raising his sword.

When Sephiroth was finished chopping Hojo up into itty-bitty pieces, Reno dumped some gasoline on the chunks and Cid dropped a lit match on the whole mess.

"Kinda wish Cloud an' that Soldier First buddy of his were here. They'd appreciate this just as much," Cid commented.

"Cloud?" Sephiroth asked.

Reno snickered. "That 'cute blond' you mentioned," he supplied. "Cloud Strife."

~oOo~

The pilot, general, and squad of Turks caught up with Avalanche just as Cloud was engaging the phoney general in combat.

"We're going to need a way to tell you from it if you're going to join in General," Tseng pointed out.

Vincent pulled out his old red headband and wrapped it around Sephiroth's forehead, despite the young man's objections and half-hearted struggles. Once it was in place, Reno put his fingers to his lips and let loose a piercing whistle.

"Oi! Jenova you alien bitch! Look at what we brought yo!" he called out, taunting.

The false Sephiroth spun, glowing eyes hardening as they landed on the real Sephiroth. Cloud's eyes, on the other hand, lit up with a myriad of emotions, and then the fight was back on, with Cloud and Sephiroth against the puppet clone.

Vincent gestured for the rest of the Turks to approach the Avalanche crew. There were _other_ labs of Hojo's to be found, more clones to destroy just in case, and a whole great big mess to clean up once this fight was over. They were going to need all the help that they could get.

While Tseng was trying to convince Barret to help them, Reno's phone rang.

"You got Reno, Second-in-command of the Turks yo," he answered.

"_Reno?_" a voice crackled over the line. "_What the hell man? There was a note next to the bed saying to call this number because I'm in somebody's apartment. The last thing I remember is Angeal reaching out to help me into the Lifestream._"

Reno chuckled. "You're in my apartment yo," he said. "An' it was me pullin' ya into the chopper, not your mentor or the Lifestream. How ya feelin' yo?"

"_Not great, but better than I was when I went down I guess,_" Zack answered. "_What now Reno?_"

Reno chuckled. "You rest, you don't mess up my place, I'll come and get you once things are sorted out where I am yo. How about I give you over to a certain young lady with a pink bow in her hair?"

"_Aerith?_" Zack asked hopefully.

"That's the one," Reno agreed, then stretched out, offering the phone to the Cetra girl. "Zack Fair for you," he said with a smirk.

Aerith gasped and grabbed the phone, plastering it to the side of her face before most of the company could blink. "Zack?"

"_Hehe, it would seem that rumours of my death have been somewhat exaggerated, which is news to me too love,_" Zack greeted fondly.

They didn't hang up until the batteries in the phones they were using gave out, by which time the false Sephiroth was defeated, and plans were being made to search and clear out all of Hojo's known labs, as well as find and destroy as many secret ones as possible. It was a job that was going to take a while.

~oOo~

"Dad?"

Vincent's head snapped around, and he stared at Sephiroth. The man hadn't ever called him that before. He found it strangely warming.

"Yes Sephiroth?"

Sephiroth smiled slightly in answer to the acknowledgement of their relationship before he continued with what he wanted to say. "I read the report Reno found, my _real_ origins, and the report about how you were able to give birth to me, and, uh, I was wondering if..."

Vincent chuckled. "Move in together or the sex talk?" he asked. "Or am I completely off the mark?"

Sephiroth blushed. "Option B," he mumbled in answer. "Hojo had me on a lot of drugs that meant I still haven't come into full sexual maturity, and I noticed that, um..."

Vincent's eyes went wide. "You've got both sets of bits, don't you?"

Sephiroth nodded, his blush darkening. "I think so," he said.

"Right, then the best way that I can think of to deal with this is going to be terribly invasive but mercifully brief," Vincent said, himself losing some of the colour from his face. "I'll ask Reno if we can borrow his apartment."

Half an hour later, Vincent and Sephiroth were in Reno's bathroom with a hand mirror, a packet of condoms, a packet of tampons, a bottle of lubricant and a couple of diagrams. They were also naked.

"Penis and testes, standard male parts. Sperm comes from the testes and is ejaculated through the penis. In sex, this is covered with a condom to prevent the impregnation of the other party if female, and also to prevent the passing on of any potential STDs. The vagina is the female opening and leads to the womb. An egg is released from the ovaries once a month, and the womb builds up a lining so that the egg has an ideal environment in which to grow. If the egg is _not_ fertilized, then this lining as well as the egg will be ejected, slowly, over the course of approximately five days, in the form of blood and some bloody tissue. This will happen once a month, and that is what these are for," Vincent explained, picking up the box of tampons.

Vincent then unwrapped one and demonstrated how they were inserted.

Sephiroth used the hand mirror to find and confirm that he had the same opening, then inserted his own finger up there so that he would have some idea of what size tampon he would need to buy in the future, as well as the best angle for him to approach the matter from.

"Finally is the anus," Vincent said. "In sex between two _normal_ men, this is the hole used. You must stretch it carefully before entering. Use a condom, use lubricant."

Sephiroth nodded his understanding.

"When your sexual maturity does come," Vincent said, and it was painfully obvious that it hadn't come to Sephiroth yet, "then you will begin to grow hair in other parts of the body." Vincent gestured to where he had black hair over his testes and under his arms. "Some may appear on your chest as well. If you want to, you can shave or wax off this hair, that is a personal choice. Any other questions?"

"No Dad," Sephiroth said, shaking his head. Then he smiled at the other man. "Thanks Dad."

Vincent smiled back and nodded.

Embarrassing, but it covered everything and it was over quickly, and it was some very unique father-son bonding.

~oOo~

When Reno walked into the private ward that Rufus had set up in the new ShinRa building, there was really only one thing he could say.

"It's just too weird yo."

The two blonds sitting at the bedsides looked up and glared at the red-head.

Reno shrugged. "What yo?" he asked. "The Boss and the General both _pregnant_ at the same time yo? An' there I thought for sure they'd both be the ones on top yo."

"He is," Cloud said quickly, his face flaming red.

"We felt like experimenting," Sephiroth supplied from where he lay on one of the beds.

Reno nodded his acceptance of this then turned to Cid and Vincent.

Cid shrugged back. "We take turns," he said simply, not in the least abashed. "We _also_ take precautions, but I guess we were eventually going to get past the condom and the spermicide."

~The End~


End file.
